Blind Man's Bluff

I’ve been transferred to a new project at work, which requires me to be on-site. The good news is it is a shorter commute. The bad news is…well, my previously established dislike of change pretty much covers the bad news.

All the things I hate about change are present: the unknown, having to ask questions, new surroundings, etc. To make things worse, I have to get a security clearance, a process which takes upward of seven months. Until that clearance comes through, I have no internet or email access, unless I trek up a floor (by elevator, because stairwell doors are card-operated as well) to the library, where there are computers with internet access. To date (fourteen days and counting), I’ve been too lazy to go up there. So I check my email once a day, at night.

Another issue is getting in the building, and in my office area. All of these areas are security card operated. Again, until the clearance comes through, I have to have someone come down and meet me when I enter the building (I can leave on my own, at least), and buzz me back in the office when I go to the bathroom or to get water. Yeah, not super-convenient.

But I’m willing to deal with those hassles, because I think the project is worth it. And the people are super-cool. Compared to the work I’ve been doing for the past 2+ years, this stuff is awesome. Very interesting, and more along the lines of the type of work I’d like to do.

Honestly, the worst incident so far (in terms of dealing with a new situation) happened one morning when I tried to buy a soda at the store outside the metro. Seems like a simple process, right? Well, as I’ve learned, don’t take anything for granted. You never know what to expect in a new situation, no matter how simple it may seem. Here’s how it went down:

I was picking out my soda (is it a Diet Coke, a Diet Pepsi, or Diet Dr. Pepper day…this is a complicated decision, and the answer varies according to my mood), and I heard a woman at the counter, about to pay say “I have some of those pink candy things here”. It struck me as odd, but I thought maybe she had already put them in her bag or something. So I go up to pay (I’m the only customer in the store by now), and I put the Diet Pepsi on the counter. But as I do so, I notice the man behind the register has thick, dark glasses, and he’s not looking at me. Then I remember seeing a cane propped up by the refrigerators, and I come to a astoundingly genius conclusion: this man is blind.

His lack of sight having been established, I am now faced with how to deal with the situation. I don’t want to offend him, but I’m assuming I need to tell him what I want to buy. But since I’m not sure, I kind of mumble “Diet Pepsi” in a manner that might be construed as a “I love Diet Pepsi” sigh, in case he gets offended. He’s quiet for a few seconds, seemingly waiting for me to say something, and then repeats it back to me. I confirm.
But then he just sits there. I realize I’m waiting for him to tell me the total, but he can’t actually SEE the register to know the total, so it’s my responsibility to check the price on the register, and give him the money. So I give my $2. And again, he just sits there, waiting for me to do something. At this point, I feel so helpless, worthless and frustrated. Finally, I stupidly realize that he doesn’t know HOW MUCH money I’ve given (although two one dollar bills could be assumed to be the obvious choice, he wouldn’t know for sure), so then I have to tell him “Two dollars”, at which point he opens the registers and slowly counts out my change. I thank him and wish him a good day (probably overly enthusiastic), and get the hell out of there. I am absolutely able to laugh at myself over pretty much anything, and love to tell stories about my random encounters, even if they make me look, well, less than the genius that I obviously am (work with me, people). What bothered me most was that I maybe made this man feel awkward or uncomfortable because of his blindness, which is the exact opposite of how I would want him to feel. I am impressed by his courage and ability to hold a job that most people typically think would require sight. I wanted to apologize, but then thought that might make matters worse.

This is why I don’t like change. In almost any situation, I am a confident, outgoing woman. But throw me one tiny change (or big, whatever), and I turn into a socially inept freshman in high school who just wants to be like all the cool kids. I guess we never really grow up after all.