Thursday, January 31, 2008

Honeydripper

Honeydripper. The name clung to my mind long after we'd left the theater. Slow, sweet and golden, sticky and uncontrollable, and much like the images the name evoked, Jaohn Sayles' fable about the birth of rock and roll played on the senses.

Legendary singer Dr. Mable John, formerly the director of Ray Charles' Raelettes, alone could have made it a film worth hearing. With more than 40 years of singing the blues, she set the stage, but Sayles delved into more than the blues of rural Alabama.

Set in the cotton-picking South, harvest time of 1950, Honeydripper follows the story of nightclub owner and pianist Tyrone (Pinetop) Purvis (Danny Glover) as he struggles to make ends meet. He decides to go for broke, breaking from his blues-singing maven, in a single make-or-break weekend with a star – Guitar Sam from New Orleans.

Unfortunately, much like its namesake, the story moves at its own sluggish pace, leaving the viewer desperate for more of the sweet sustenance that binds it together: Music.

The sounds of the film evoked memories of men with horns bellowing outside Café du Monde and guitars on street corners, not too far from Jackson Square. Of gospel tents and juke joints. Of gray hairs and pimply-faced youth playing side by side, making music that just won't quit and a body that can't stay still.

Despite the pace, the sometimes stiff acting and somewhat predictable storyline, the movie was sweet. Well worth watching. Or hearing, anyway.


Tag: Movies

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Chocolate

Chocolate. That's what I smelled as I pulled the dress over my head, and I sighed. I didn't mean to smell like chocolate.

Earlier in the day, I had tripped in the kitchen at work and poured half a mug of unstirred hot cocoa, boiling water and sugar free powder, all over the kitchen floor. The Formica table. The pleather chairs. With paper towels and resignation, I cleaned as well as I could and washed the tabletop and chairs.

At some point later, mid afternoon or later, I realized that I wore as much as I'd spilled, chocolate dotting the white flowers of my dress.

"At least I didn't wear the dress with the black flowers on a white background," I offered my coworkers as they tried to placate me. I wasn't really in a mood to be placated. I was somewhat fit to be tied, not that I knew what that means but it sounded bad.

I sponged chocolate from the tops of the boots that pinched my feet and scrubbed fruitlessly at the flowers. Giving up. Giving in. Getting ready to go home.

"I'm supposed to go to happy hour," I moaned.

"It's really not that noticeable... I mean, if you're looking..."

"I smell like chocolate."

I lifted my hands to my face and sniffed, shrugged, winced. My coworker laughed and assured me that it would help me meet people.

"I don't know. I just feel so..." I emitted a strangled cry, one of the many that had replaced so much of my vocabulary in recent weeks as I reached my limit and leapt bounds beyond it.

"I think it will be fun. I won't take responsibility if it isn't but –" the elevator closed on her words and I walked to the Metro, still unsure of my plans. Of my night. I wanted, more than anything in the world, to crawl into bed and stay there 'til June, give or take a day.

I teetered to the Metro on boots that had already started to hurt and pushed the decision from my mind. Book. Train. Seat. I would focus on immediate needs and somehow the decision made itself. I arose at Foggy Bottom and walked out into the night, to the bar, to the happy hour where I didn't know a soul.

Normally, I wouldn't mind cold calling a bar but the replacement of adjectives, nouns and verbs with half-strangled cries limited my communication. My feet hurt. My stomach roiled. And my nerves vibrated with spasms of pain and light. In this state, and covered with chocolate, I made my way to the bar.

I was early. One of the first. I registered, took my tickets and smiled something between a grin and a grimace. Dim lighting. Nobody would notice the chocolate. Free beer in hand, I introduced myself and words came flooding back.

These people. They were nice. They were good. We had something in common, more than not knowing a soul in the bar. We all volunteered. We all tried to make the world a better place.

Slowly, I got to know people. Exchanged stories. Exchanged numbers. I hoped to move beyond my regular projects and volunteer more. It provided a little bit of peace to my jangled nerves, and I honestly liked the people I met. The guy with the backpack who seemed so alone – he made us laugh.

By the end of the night, I became part of an "us," hobbling with a new friend toward Farragut West, toward her bus stop, going out of my way to continue a conversation in shoes that I found in the bottom of my bag, ugly as sin but more comfortable than the boots that wouldn't quit.

I met a man who shared a passion for the projects I staffed. Another who feared children. Another who worked in food distribution. A pair of friends who joined the organization within a week and unbeknownst to one another. I heard a pitch or two for an upcoming event, but not too much. For the most part, I just enjoyed the beer and conversation.

Nobody noticed the chocolate.


Tag: Volunteering Drinking

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Bugaboo

Pet peeves kept running through my head. Personal bugbears. Bugaboos. Hobgoblins. My particular, personal vexations. I wanted to list them. To express them. To get them out.

I had had a very bad day. The latest in a string of terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days. There wasn't even anything particularly rotten about it but as I crawled out of bed and booted my computer to check in before work, I realized that I had worked something close to 21 days in a row, including evenings and weekends, and that just got my goat.

As if I had a goat.

If I did, that would be a pet worth note, but the peeves that I kept, my bêtes noire, my nuisances, pests, plagues and poisons, I realized, those I just needed to let go.

Instead of writing about the things that got my proverbial goat, those things that burnt my biscuits and ticked me off, I thought about my day and marveled in a bit of serendipity.

I worked when I got up. Half blind and pajama'd on the couch, I read through my email, researched staffing criteria and responded to messages, squinting at the screen in hopes that the spell check would catch what I couldn't see. I click-clacked my way on a reluctant keyboard and lost half an hour, an hour to work, unwilling to pry myself from the couch and just go.

I left late.

I walked to my car and moved it in a fit of paranoia over street cleaning and tickets, even though I knew on most levels that it was suspended for winter. I drove to the Metro, attempted a spot and shook my head in dismay. Bad approach. I drove 'round the block and tried another, barely bigger than my Wrangler with one attempt, two, three, before I shoehorned it into the spot.

Wobbling on heels that were too high with a skirt that was too short, I considered going home to change. Again. It took as many tries to leave the house as it had taken to park. I decided to just go to work, pausing when I realized I'd need cash for lunch. I needn't have worried – I didn't get to eat – but I stopped at a Metro ATM for cash.

By the time I got through the station, I was officially very, very late. A train pulled up, the train I needed to take, as I headed for the escalator, but I couldn't quite make it in time. I just couldn't seem to move down the unmoving escalator fast enough in the too high heels. The doors closed before me. I'd have to wait through two of the wrong trains before I'd catch the right one in 10 minutes or so.

I could have left earlier. I could have skipped the shower. The car. The small parking spots. The ATM. I could have moved faster on the escalator, despite the heels. I could have done so many things to get me to work closer to the start of my day, my 21st in a row but I didn't. I just didn't.

On the train, I sat next to a man in the first seat. We chatted a while, in spite of ourselves and when I looked up, after a station or two, I realized a friend stood between me and the door, not three feet away, reading the paper.

"Hey. Hi!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me in surprise. I hadn't seen him in months (and very seldom sober). He didn't normally ride the metro but a cracked radiator kept his car in the shop. He was early. I was late. We found ourselves at the same place, at the same time, and that made my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day a little brighter.

"That," I thought. "That's what I need to keep as a pet. Peeves be damned."

But I do like the word "bugaboo." I might just have to reclaim it for pets that I like.


Tag: Metro Work

Monday, January 28, 2008

Giving and giving

I got up early to clean, shifting stuff from one side of the apartment to the other before giving up, before crawling back in bed with a remote and the laptop. I emailed. I worked. I worked entirely too much, and I looked at the mess with dismay.

I had too much stuff. Some of my Christmas gifts had yet to make it out of their packaging, out of the bags and boxes and wrappers and to anywhere but a pile on my bedroom floor. I sighed, and focused on my work, pushing thoughts of gifts aside.

The funny thing is how much I love giving gifts. Finding the perfect thingamajig, whatchamacallit or doohickey that somebody didn't know he wanted and couldn't live without. Giving gifts made me happy.

Over the weekend, I chopped off my hair to give it away. That made me happy, too. It made me forget about work for a while, as I reveled in the snip, snip, snipping and ogling my new, short-haired shadow on the sidewalk. It's the little things.

At some point, after I moved from the bed to the couch and then from the couch to Dupont for the farmer's market, shopping and lunch, I remembered that I'd think about gifts again soon with Valentine's Day. Actually, my sister's birthday came first but I'd finished that by Christmas. Valentine's Day, though. It threw me for a loop.

I've never been a fan of Hallmark Holidays. Maybe because I didn't get cards. Maybe because I did. Nevertheless, I still gave gifts in the name of Saint Valentine. Heart-shaped cookies. Cards. Flowers. Once I almost told a friend I loved him on Valentine's Day, which might have changed my world, but I didn't.

Last year, in the middle of a fight with my brother, in the middle of a blizzard, I tromped over to his house with doughnuts and a candleholder from a friend's fair trade shop. I invited him to dinner and by the end of the night, I'd almost forgotten why we were fighting. It might not have been the traditional goal of the day, but it made me happy.

This year, well, I don't know, but I'll keep my friend's store in mind. I love to give. Besides, I might want to end a fight and help save the world while I'm doing it. A gift that keeps on giving.


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Tag: Shopping

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Flattered

"Kristin!" he shouted over the din of the bar. I stopped, turned, looked, pizza box held high. "Where are you going?"

My friend answered for us.

"Home."

He made a face and tried to cajole us into staying.

"I'd go out on the Hill," I shrugged.

Two of our friends had already left. We would have left with them if not for closing the tab, getting a box for the pizza, making our way out of the bar.

I needed to get up early. An early Monday deadline led to an early Sunday of number-crunching fun, but I would consider a bar on the Hill, within walking distance of my subterranean abode.

He shook his head and gestured to the crowd of his frat brothers drinking light beer and laughing, flirting with the girls across the table, posturing around the bar.

I smiled and waved, happy to escape into the night. I didn't want him to go to the Hill. I didn't want his number. I barely remembered his name, but I was flattered.

A man shouted my name in the bar last night.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Weightless

"I don't have an appointment. Do you have any openings today or tomorrow?" I asked the receptionist.

"Right now would work."

"Right now? That's perfect."

I hung up my coat and paced the small front room, looking at products I didn't know how to use, until she pointed me in the direction of the waiting room. I'd never been there before. I didn't know to walk to the back of the busy room. I sat on a bench opposite the girls under hair dryers and waited. I had a book in my bag.

Minutes earlier, I had a stack of books in my bag, children's books from a volunteering session. I almost forgot that I needed to take them back to the library, but in a work-laden haze, I forgot to change the channel after "It's Academic." The cartoon that came next, Jacob Two Two, focused on overdue library books, so I wrapped up the work, got myself together and made my way to the library.

Dropping the books at the desk, I felt a weight greater than that of my bag lifted. I'd done something good with the books and I got them back on time. Walking out, a boy asked me for some change.

"Excuse me, ma'am. Do you have 75 cents?"

"I think I have... I have a whole bunch of ones."

"Thanks. I just need to get a library card."

It was the best dollar I had spent all day. Of course, it was the only dollar I'd spent all day, but I would have done more to help the boy pay a library fine. I gave another away to a man begging for change outside a liquor store. I might have gotten him a dollar closer to a bottle of booze, but I couldn't blame him for that. I didn't know if that was the case and once I gave it, the dollar was his to use as he pleased.

Soon after that, I found myself at the salon, sitting opposite the hair dryers and reading my book. I didn't wait long before a woman came over and introduced herself as Melba.

"Like the toast," I thought as I gave her my name.

"What are we doing here?" she asked as I settled in the seat. She lifted my hair.

"All of it," I said. "I'm giving it to Locks of Love."

"A donation?" she asked.

"A donation," I smiled.

She pointed me to the sinks for two washings and an oil treatment followed by a stint under the dryers to let the oil set, to moisturize my unwieldy locks. After some time, a chapter or two or three, she led me back to the chair, braided my hair and started to cut. There was a razor involved. A lot of snipping. People stopped to watch as she cut and she cut and she cut.

"I have a lot of hair."

The women behind me nodded and smiled.

"You have a lot of hair."

And then I didn't. A great, thick braid rested on a towel before me. I shook my newly shorn locks and grinned into the mirror behind it.

"Thank you for doing this for us," Melba said.

I didn't quite understand her, but as she trimmed the hair that remained, she told me of her other job. She worked with cancer patients, with chemotherapy, giving them hope. The loss of their hair, the changes in their pigmentation, would be a shock, but it wouldn't be the end of the world. My hair, enough for two donations said one of the women who stood and watched, might help make a child feel a little more normal in a very crazy world.

Melba worked quickly and efficiently, smiling at me and telling me I had the "sex appeal" to carry off the bob. She wrapped the braid with care and instructed me to go home and dry it before sending it off.

She didn't charge me for the oil treatment and hugged me when I slipped back to tip her. I couldn't stop smiling; neither could she.

I stopped at the bank to deposit a crumpled expense check from work and most of the money in my pocket. It just covered the cost of the haircut with a couple of bucks to spare. Those I handed over to my favorite Street Sense vendor, and I walked home without my books, without my money, with most of my hair in an envelope in my bag and I felt weightless.


Tag: Locks of Love

Crying in public

"I have got to stop crying in public," I thought, furiously wiping tears from my cheeks. They'd been falling for days - big, fat salty tears streaking down my cheeks, falling gracelessly to my chest, my lap, all but hitting the pages of the book I was reading.

It wasn't fair.

But I kept doing it. Crying in public.

I wiped my face with my scarf, the sleeve of my sweater, my bare hands. I wiped blindly but drying my cheeks did nothing to erase the streaks of salt or my red-rimmed eyes. I didn't fool anyone as my eyes welled, turned glassy, filled with tears that clung my lashes and threatened to spill.

But I kept doing it. Crying in public.

I blamed the book. Parts of it were scary but only in the way that things can be scary when you know that everything's going to be all right. I saw the pictures. I read the interviews. Been there. Done that. Bought the T-shirt. Bought the book, anyway, co-written by the guy in scary situations. Everything would be OK.

But I kept doing it. Crying in public.

The book wasn't sad. It wasn't exactly happy, but it wasn't sad. Not "run over your puppy" sad. Just kind of a "state of the world" sad but touched with hope. People tried to make a difference. They weren't good. They weren't bad. They were human – flawed and hopeful, idealistic and scared – doing what they could with what little they had and it made me cry.

Over and over again. In public. On the plane. On the train. I would have done it in a box; I would have done it with a fox. I would have cried in a house, with a mouse, anywhere I had that book. I couldn't help it. Something about it turned on the waterworks and I couldn't find a shutoff valve.

Fortunately, people really didn't seem to notice the crying, not even sharing a seat on the train or a row on the plane. I didn't exactly do the breath-catching sob, but it couldn't have been more obvious that I was crying. Nobody said a thing. Asked if I was alright. Looked at me twice.

Fortunately, I finished the book. I hoped to stop crying in public sometime soon. I didn't know what I'd do if I had a real reason to cry, something other than the book. I didn't want to find out.


Tag: Reading

Friday, January 25, 2008

Two hours

Two hours. It took two hours to get to work. I live five miles from the office. I could have walked it faster, but I only do that in the early summer when I'm really, really motivated and Thursday morning, it was all I could do to pry myself from the couch, my flannel pajamas and a sweatshirt, the laptop.

I lost 20 minutes to a frantic search for my badge and SmarTrip card. Another few minutes as I detoured to check out my car, parked on a side street, and some time just because I was slow, cold, wearing a skirt on a very skirt-unfriendly day. At the station, I lost a few more as I recharged my card with the Metro checks I could have used a half hour earlier in lieu of the card that I eventually found on the shelves, wedged between box and wood.

I missed the first orange line train and let the blue line pass. Standing on the platform, I waited. Reading my book. Watching the display. Fortunately, I was early and the train, the one I ended up riding, was a little emptier than the first two. I found a seat, tucked into my book and rode to work.

Most of the way to work.

Somewhere between Rosslyn and Courthouse, sometime after I finished my first book and started a second and the girl next to me moved to let me rise, the train stopped. I stood by the door, hanging onto a pole, and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

"Excuse me, passengers. There is an emergency at Clarendon Station. We will be moving momentarily."

I shifted from right foot to left and back again in restless anxiety, hoping to inch forward so I could leave the train and start my day, a day I would have much rather spent wrapped in flannel and fleece, napping on my couch and working in peace. Instead, I stood and waited. Hanging from a pole. Book in hand. Reading Peyton Place on the morning commute.

"Excuse me, passengers. There is an emergency at Clarendon Station. We will be moving momentarily."

The conductor broke into my anxious reverie once. Twice. A couple of dozen times. We never did figure out the nature of the emergency and we did not move momentarily. We sat and waited for 45 minutes, almost an hour, somewhere between Rosslyn and Courthouse, under Wilson Boulevard.

"Excuse me, passengers. There is an emergency at Clarendon Station. We will be moving momentarily."

The girl who let me up had moved to my seat. A man took hers. I had nowhere to sit. I briefly considered sitting on the floor but my useless skirt and valiant hope kept me upright. Hanging on a pole. Waiting.

"We will be changing direction, going back to Rosslyn," the conductor announced. Minutes later, ages later, he passed through the car, lumbering his way to the last car of six, the first car of six.

"I feel for you," a woman told me. "That was your stop. You were so close."

We talked about the commute – she had been on track to be early to work. We would both be late. We talked about books and the Avon Breast Cancer walk. We talked about Arlington. Rosslyn. The inexplicable emergency in Clarendon as we waited under Wilson Boulevard.

Back in Rosslyn, at the station, the entire train heaved its passengers onto the platform and we climbed the immobile escalator up one level and rode toward the street. Full shuttles waited on the curb as the masses pressed futilely toward open doors. The crowd on the sidewalk grew, milled, huffed in frustration as a woman flagged me down, "Hey. Hey! Are you going to the office?"

"I know this woman," I thought, once I moved past the temptation to ignore the crazy lady. We worked together, supporting the same client, and she needed to get to my office for a meeting. Of course, she had no idea how to find it.

"We can wait for a shuttle or we can walk... It's about three-quarters of a mile."

She agreed to the walk and we headed uphill, steadily climbing to my office, making small talk, forcing small talk as we barely knew each other. We noted the girls in heels who considered the same option but bailed out, midwalk, to flag down cabs, limping toward the curb.

Heads down, we kept going and made our way to the office. To start my day, a day I would have much rather spent wrapped in flannel and fleece, napping on my couch and working in peace. I showed up two hours late. I stayed two hours late.

"Excuse me, passengers. There is an emergency at Clarendon Station. We will be moving momentarily."

Right.


Tag: Work Commute

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Playing Life

It's a lot more fun if you're winning, I realized halfway through the first game. Me with my low-income job and my promissory notes. My car full of kids. My useless degree. Every time I played the market, I lost three and three-quarters of my salary, and yet, I kept playing. The game. The market. The everything. And I lost.

"The thing I don't like about this game, is that there are winners and losers," I said. "It has nothing to do with the quality of life."

Maybe I just didn't like losing.

As we continued to play, though, over the next couple of days, things about the game struck each of us. Some didn't like the choice of careers afforded by a college degree or the lack thereof.

We all went the indebted yet educated route. In every game. We all got insurance; we all bought stock. I don't think I ever did that when I played as a kid. The way we played changed.

I didn't like the fact that you had to stop and get married not too long after college, before kids, before much of anything else, really. According to Milton (or was it Bradley?), a single life didn’t figure into the game of life. Nor did divorce. Widowhood. Terminal illness. Of course, as far as family games go, they probably don't want to encourage that sort of thinking, but they didn't exactly build romance into the package either and commitment came in the form of a little peg stuck into one of the premade holes in a car or minivan.

We played three different versions; we had multiple vehicles. We had multiple kids. One started stacking them wherever they'd fit when she ran out of holes. Unfortunately, it was not the version of the game that paid out for each kid on the day of reckoning. It was one of the versions without a "day of reckoning."

I ended up with a handful of kids and a low to middling salary for most of the games but I won as many as I lost.

We made up stories as we went. The newer versions providing the framework for wild romps and farmhouses full of kids, for ski trips and rock videos, midlife crises and crooked cops. We laughed and stacked our money. Our promissory notes. Our "share the wealth" cards that would force someone else to help pay or split their winnings. Our Life cards with scores of achievements and compensation.

I wrote the great American novel, composed a symphony, invented a sport (Frogbert) and cured the common cold, all in a single lifetime, while coming up with an alternate energy source and solving pollution. It was a busy night.

In another round, I trailed. I sought revenge. I played longer, spinning a half dozen times in a row after the others had finished, all to cross the finish line with the biggest stack of cash. I might have won but they retired well before I did and it made me think. Wonder if I'd really won at all.

Four lifetimes in the course of two nights. Four husbands. Four families. Four careers. All following the same path, all ending up at the same place. With a spin of the wheel, I cast my lot and lived my life differently each time. Sometimes, I won. Sometimes, I lost. I always had fun.


Tag: Friends Games

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Making People Happy by Throwing Thousands of Dollars Away

By: NOLA Celeste

It’s that time of year again when tens of thousands of New Orleanians don sequined sateen costumes in garish colors and board moving platforms of light that are sometimes satirical and other times merely decorative.

Most visitors associate the festivities with Bourbon Street, balconies, boobies and beads, but that could be farther from the truth. The real action is Uptown on the oak tree- and mansion-lined St. Charles Avenue, where families and friends pitch tents, set up folding chairs, plop children in spectator boxes perched on top of ladders and wait. The wait is pleasant. Time is often passed munching on cotton candy and peanuts from street vendors, sipping daiquiris from mobile libation providers and throwing “poppers” on the ground.

At the beginning of the route, the service providers climb narrow steps and squeeze themselves between bags of beads and their fellow revelers. Once they are done, their arms are tired from repetitive motion and their shins hurt from constantly bracing themselves from falling.

It typically costs over a thousand dollars to ride in a parade. The fees go towards dues, the ball scheduled for afterwards and throws. The bulk of the cost is allocated to throws – plastic beads, plush toys and, in the case of my parade, the Krewe of Muses, shoe bracelets, manicure sets and handbags.

The capacity for making people happy by throwing them a cheap toy is unparalleled. You make eye contact with someone in the crowd, their face lights up, they catch your throw and perhaps mouth a “thank you.” Wash . . . rinse . . . repeat.

By the time the parade is done, you literally have thrown thousands of Dollars away. But, it is worth it for the thrill.

It’s all part of the magic that is Mardi Gras.




Tag: New Orleans Mardi Gras

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

News bites

Delayed flight. I won't get home until much later than expected, much later than desired, much later than warrants a two-hour meeting at the client site, starting at 9 a.m.

CNN blares from the TV overhead, by the door. Men in fatigues or something like that. Nobody takes note of the television; the newscaster blends in with general airport security announcements and gate information on the loudspeaker.

Suddenly, Larry King breaks in with the news of Heath Ledger's death. People stop walking, stop talking and watch.

"Pills," calls a man with a Doctor Suess book *Go, Dog, Go" and a toddler in his lap. "They think it may be suicide."

I google the news. The family urges caution. It doesn't quite feel real. The news. The airport. The fact that I'm actually working in the Denver airport, a place I used to live and left so long ago. Colorado, not the airport.

A boarding call. A montage flashes overhead as I pack up my computer and wait for my seating area.

Ice cream

The sundaes came out first. Three tall frosty glasses, dripping with hot fudge. A couple with whipped cream. A couple with nuts. Cherries on top. The fourth sundae soon followed. I wiped a finger along the edge of the glass and popped it in my mouth.

"What's that?" asked the toddler beside me.

"Hot fudge," I sheepishly grinned. His parents told me to go ahead. The ice cream would melt. Conversation stopped for a minute as spoons lifted around the table and I dipped into rocky road dripping with hot fudge and nuts, edged with whipped cream. The fudge stuck to the spoon. The ice cream melted in my mouth in a blur of chocolate, nuts and marshmallow.

Another plate came to the table: salad with a side of dressing for the poor soul on a diet in the middle of a family creamery.

The toddler looked on with wide-eyed wonder, the table before him empty as adults dove into ice cream sundaes and his dad dished salad. Disbelief poured from doe eyes as we all watched him.

"Where's Owen's food?" his mom asked, engaging him in conversation, searching for a way to reassure him that his meal would come.

He looked under the table. He looked at the ceiling. He tapped his finger on plain Formica and watched us all in what appeared to be the cruelest joke in the world, the meanest game we could play. We must be passing Owen's food under the table as we had with his book. It had to appear. It had to. It just wasn't fair.

His lip quivered slightly as we guiltily nibbled frozen bits of heaven melting under strawberry, fudge and fluorescent lighting. He looked under the table again.

Finally, the teenage girl with the long blond hair came back with a plate. Ungrilled cheese. Fries. He'd happily dunk his fries in ketchup and watch the rest of us with our sundae cups. He dropped a slice of cheese on the floor but ate most of the rest with his father's saltines and refused the ice cream that came his way after the meal in favor of a cup of water.

"Are you ready to go?"

"Water," he explained. "Owen's water."

He'd forgotten the joke. The game. A cruel trick of timing as he happily gazed around the table, water in hand. He had his people. He'd eaten his fries. He was happy with a small, plastic, ice cream parlor cup of water.


Tag: Friends Food Ice Cream

Monday, January 21, 2008

Good question



I was embarrassed, stopping to take a picture of graffiti. I could hear footsteps on the sidewalk behind me so I paused, took my cell phone out of my pocket and fiddled with some buttons, as if I'd had a call or text vibrating against my hip in desperate need of attention.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the man approach, glance at the wall and call out as he kept walking, "It's a good question."

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Flying

I tried to work, with the monitor of my laptop tilted 45-degrees back upon itself, shoulders hunched, elbows tucked, practically blind as I linked tables from one document into another. Copy. Paste special. Link. Workbook.

"Where is Pooh's ear? Is this Pooh's ear? Mama has an ear. This is Mama's ear. Alex has an ear. This is Alex's ear. Alex's ear and Mama's ear and Pooh's ear," sounded from the row behind me as a mother distracted her almost 1-year-old son.

When I got to the end of the document, I had more tables than labels and realized with frustration that I would have to start over. I couldn't do it blind and the man in front of me had shot me a dirty look when I jostled his seat by dropping the tray table so that I could work on a Saturday, on an airplane with my shoulders hunched and my elbows tucked while he reclined, pushing into my lap.

Behind me, Alex kicked the seat with such regularity that I alternated between leaning back to see the laptop and leaning forward to minimize the impact. My head nodded with every kick and I bounced far more than the meager turbulence warranted.

On my left, a half-shaded window supposedly helped with visibility of the shared monitor three rows up that didn't work. The sounds of Rush Hour 3 blared from the headphones around me, though. Channel one. In-flight entertainment. Laughter erupted sporadically throughout the cabin.

I bought a snackbox and tucked it between my knee and the plane, next to the pillow and blanket, over my coat, and balanced an unopened can of soda on the armrest while I worked. I hadn't eaten since Baltimore, a couple of pancakes sometime after I broke the bottle of hot sauce and before I broke the hook on the stall door in the bathroom. My stomach groaned.

On my right, a large man in a peacoat, dogtags and large CZ stud sprawled over the armrest, digging his elbow into my side as he tried to find room in the too-narrow seat. At the end of the row, an equally large man strained to see the video, moving his lips along with the words.

The baby stretched, pushing, pitching me forward into the useless laptop as I bordered on tears, trying to make my document work. I started over. Copy. Paste special. Link. Workbook. With my shoulders hunched, my elbows tucked.

"Where is Alex's hand? Alex has a hand. This is Alex's hand. Mama has a hand, too. This is Mama's hand. Where is Blue Dog's hand? On a dog, a hand is called a paw."

I used my own hand to shut the computer and rooted through the snack box for a half dozen crackers. Some pita chips. A small jar of hummus. I'd pass the raisins to my friends. The small can of tuna. I don't eat meat and even if I had, tuna didn't seem the right sort of snack to open in an enclosed space amidst dozens of strangers.

The men beside me laughed at the headsets and the monitor. We all looked for the missing iPod from the kid in row 20 who lost it sometime during takeoff. The man in front of me dozed a half dozen inches from my face. Alex pushed. I bounced. At some point, I stopped caring and enjoyed the ride. I read my book, leaning forward just a little. There was nothing anyone could do. There was nothing I could do. I could either let it bother me or I could just let go.

At the end of the night, when we reached California after a whole lot of crying and pushing, Mama apologized.

"It's fine."

"Thank you for your patience. I'm not sure I would have been so patient two years ago."

"What are you going to do? He's a baby."

I'd had worse rides. I'd ridden buses in India. I flew back from Australia in a middle coach seat on an overbooked plane. I flew in a puddle jumper from the Upper Peninsula with a hangover. At least on this ride, I got to see the snowcapped Rockies. I saw the sunset over Lake Tahoe.

"Have a great weekend," I said as I turned to leave and smiled. I realized that I meant it.


Tag: Travel

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Obligations

Obligations. Boundaries. Stress. My horoscope doesn't seem to be telling me much I don't know these days.

You may be stressed as you attempt to balance your responsibilities at work with your need to be with friends and family.

Obligations can get in the way of your pleasure today.


I left work late to do laundry, missing my dinner plans. I returned home to work more from the comfort of my couch, to load my laptop for my upcoming trip, for the airplane and the airport. I planned to work until the battery died and then find a plug and work some more.

But I couldn't, I wouldn't work through the weekend. I paid good money to fly to California to see my friends and I would see my friends. I shut the top on the lap. I would unplug and unwind and enjoy a long weekend. I would attempt to balance my responsibilities and stop reading my horoscope.


Tag: Friends Work

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Taking care

I don't want to get up...

I should get up...

I don't want to get up.


I watched the minutes tick on the clock beside the bed. 15. 20. An hour.

I don't want to get up.

I pulled myself from my friend's boyfriend's bed in my friend's boyfriend's pajamas and padded to the living where my friend slept on the couch. The boyfriend was in Tucson for work. I sat down at the computer. After responding to a half dozen messages, I groaned.

"What's wrong with me?"

"You're working, aren't you?"

I nodded as I stood and stretched.

"I can't help it."

I pulled myself together and picked my clothes off the bedroom floor, getting ready to face the day still smelling like the night before, like beer and cigarettes, like too much conversation and too little food. We talked so late I missed the metro and I didn't mind.

"Hey, and what was with that guy?"

"The public sex guy? I don't know. He was weird. And that blog?"

I planned to go to work in my clothes from the day before but I had forgotten a bag of books I needed after hours. I pulled on my boots and shrugged into my coat before hugging my friend goodbye.

Outside, fat white tufts of snow drifted through the air, clinging to my nose and eyelashes, blanketing my hair in white. I laughed with wonder as I walked to the metro, sliding my feet on the icy sidewalk.

The ride made me queasy. Beer and cigarettes, too much conversation and too little food. Stop and go in rush hour traffic. Stress. Raw, quivering stress that faded for a couple of hours in a dive bar on a Wednesday night.

I would work from the couch for the rest of the day, watching the teenage angst of One Tree Hill and the OC. I would sink into my favorite flannel pajamas under a fleece blanket.

I would finish my tasks, my workload, my files for the day but more would come. For the moment, though, I focused in comfort. I focused on comfort and took care of myself.


Tag: Friends

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Surprising red

"I can't taste anything," I moaned, looking at the wine list. "I'll take the... cheap 'surprising red.'"

And surprisingly enough, I liked it. I think. A friend sniffed the glass, wrinkling her nose at a scentless whiff, but when she tasted the second, pre-cold-infested glass she cocked a brow.

"It probably tastes the same to you as to me," she told me. "I can't smell anything, but it's good."

The rest of the dinner was the same, at least for me. I couldn't smell a thing but somehow the flavor broke through the lingering cold, surprising me with orange zest and goat cheese. Spaghetti squash, tomato fondue, rapini, trumpets royale and baby carrots melted into a little bit of heaven in my mouth, followed by pumpkin bread pudding. I could have died right there. With the cold, I thought I might. DC Restaurant Week at its finest.

A friend made reservations at a handful of restaurants and sent out a call to arms or a call to armed dining chairs, as the case may be, soliciting dining companions from a long list of friends. First come, first sumptuously served. I picked the place most likely to serve a vegetarian entrée on the night I was most likely free. She booted a Johnny-come-lately in favor of me and I made a plan for dinner at the Mendocino Grille.

She got there early, earlier than expected with dubiously light traffic and called me as I awaited an elevator out of the office. I rode the metro and arrived precisely on time. The couple who joined us arrived not long after I ordered the surprising red. I hadn't seen them in years. I couldn't say how long but a lifetime ago, give or take a little.

The dinner delivered with flying colors, with colorful flavors, with everything I could have wanted and more. Olives. Shots of celery root soup. The surprising red and Pipe Dreams goat cheese, heart of palm and pumpkin bread pudding. Miniature chocolate chip cookies, warm from the oven. I almost forgot the cold as flavors cut dulled senses, almost as delicious as the company.

The conversation bounced lightly from old friends to new cars, from volunteering to work to travel as we discussed places we'd been and places we hoped to go. South Africa, Namibia and Botswana. Turkey. India for work and weddings and fun. The Philippines. Italy. France.

"It's so great to talk to people who actually travel," Emma sighed at the end of the night. We nodded drowsily in agreement, sated by fine wine, fabulous food and incomparable conversation.

I didn't make it home until well after midnight, my first time home since well before eight. In the morning. A long, leisurely dinner. An even longer, more leisurely conversation followed by a single-tracking train. I could barely lift my feet. I could barely breathe through the cold, but I was happy, surprised by more than the red.

Tag: DC Restaurant Week

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

In the movies

"Let me just try something," he said, leaning in, eyes fixed blurrily somewhere over my head.

"That's Adam," the bartender explained. "It's his birthday."

"Hi, Adam. Happy birthday."

The man in question swayed and reached toward me, his hands disturbingly close to my face.

"Let me just try something," he repeated.

I winced, brow furrowed, as he plucked the glasses from my face and held them in his sweaty palm.

"ThatswhatIthought," he slurred. "Gorgeous."

"Thank you?"

I glanced at the bartender, fuzzy on the other side of the counter and picked up a beer, with all hopes mine, smiling my thanks.

"That is so 1950s movie," I laughed. "Are you going to take my headband out and tell me to shake my hair?"

"What?"

"Can I have my glasses back?"


Tag: Drinking Movies

Monday, January 14, 2008

Right for me

I didn’t know why he didn’t like me but it was obvious - this friend of a friend of a friend (or something convoluted like that) just didn’t like me. Fortunately, it didn't much matter.

As the afternoon wore on, so did the digs as he passed judgment on me, my life, choices he inferred with sidelong glances. He refused to look directly at me. Frankly, I didn’t much mind as I chatted with others but life in the city was one of the first things he attacked.

“I used to live in Alexandria, in Springfield but driving up 395 every day...” I paused, searching for words. “I had tension headaches. I wanted to throw up. I started smoking – I found cigarettes in my car and lit up on the drive. It just wasn’t good for me.”

“I’m so much healthier now,” I added. “Walking more. Fewer headaches. It works better for me.”

He rolled his eyes, saying he’d never live in a city. He couldn’t understand why anyone would. He indicated that there was something wrong with the decision. I shrugged the first time, raised my eyebrows the second and responded by third or the fifth or the tenth comment.

“Actually, my neighborhood’s been voted one of the top 10 in the US, ranking with Pike’s Place in Seattle and other great neighborhoods.”

“If you like that sort of thing...” he muttered.

I might have mentioned historic Eastern Market, the farmers’ market and buying just enough for one person. The tree-lined streets – a dog or a baby in (almost) every house, strollers and leashes the norm. Stopping at the Kennedy Center on the way home from work and walking to bars, restaurants, the theater.

I might have mentioned Screen on the Green. Seeing the Capitol every morning on my way to work. Walking to work. To the library. Being a regular in a used books store. Brick sidewalks. Indie films theaters. Chinese food, Thai, Vietnamese, Salvadorian, Italian, Indian, Belgian – anything I could want and never knew I liked growing up in a small town– within walking distance of my house. The 9:30 Club and my favorite bands. Free books in boxes outside people’s houses.

I might have mentioned living in a space just big enough for a girl on her own, with neighbors who know and care about me. A park at the end of the block with plenty of grass for lying on a blanket with a book on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

I did mention the drive. The smoking. The fact that living in the suburbs didn’t work for me but I didn’t question his choice or his lifestyle. I didn’t mention a slow suburban death, if you like that sort of thing, even the way that it killed my soul as I shuddered and shook up 395, spending most of my free, waking hours in the car and being too tired when I got home to walk or talk or cook.

I grew up in one small town and went to college in another. I started my grownup years in the suburbs as I tried to find my place in the world and I found a place that worked for me. It wouldn’t work for everyone, and I understood that, was glad about that. I couldn’t afford my neighborhood if the whole world decided to share it.

Though, when I mentioned the metro and not driving much, when he dug in again, this time on environmentalism, I didn’t know where to begin.


Tag: Home Friends

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Target audience

I probably wasn’t the target audience. Me with my socially-conscious shoes – the last time I was at the Convention Center was for the Greenfest, my Mr. Splashy Pants shirt, my “Reading is Sexy” button. Oh, and the fact that I’d never been on a motorcycle. I hadn’t even touched one. That would generally exclude me from the 27th Annual Cycle World Motorcycle Show, but a friend from college was in town and he invited me.

I baked some squash for book club, emailed a list of library books to my friends, changed out of Splashy Pants and headed across the city.

By the time we connected, however, the group had pretty much run the course of the show and they decided to meet me at the door. I stood and watched as people bought tickets, picked up magazines and made their way into the space as I waited. My friend and his friends trickled out.

“Is that a Kevlar vest?” I asked, pointing at a couple of men down the concourse.

“They’re probably just leather vests.”

“I’m probably more familiar with Kevlar vests than leather ones,” I observed. From the back, though, he was right. They looked like leather vests. The front seemed to include padding and Velcro and a very high neck. My friend explained some of the fashions as we watched people come and go. Or pointed them out anyway.

We walked out into the cooling afternoon and south on 7th for a drink or two.

“Is this a normal weekend crowd?”

“Um... Is it Chinese New Year?”

Lines formed at the doors of every bar and restaurant on the street. People milled. The crowd swelled. We stopped, turned around, walked back to the Convention Center and caught up for a while, my friend from college and I at the motorcycle show.


Tag: Friends

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Giraffe

I found it in the closet, on the shelf, in the back. A small, silver-plated giraffe that I bought about a decade ago for a collector friend. I don’t know what happened. I am sure it was me, that I wasn’t a great friend, but we fell out of touch and I never mailed the thing. It made it from Colorado to Minnesota, to West Virginia, Virginia and DC before ending up in the guest bedroom closet. On the shelf. In the back.

I found it when I was cleaning, making space for my brother who moved in for a short while between giving up his apartment and leaving for South America. An espresso machine, boxes of Christmas lights, a couple of stools, some folding chairs, the giraffe.

Ten years of holding onto that thing. Of moving it. Of storing it. Of reminding myself of a friendship that faded.

So I mailed it.

I wrapped it up with my Christmas presents, looked up her address in the white pages online and took it to the post office. My brother filled out the address label in her husband’s name, which I’d written on a sticky note, but I thought twice and wrote it again in hers. I dropped it in the mail. No note. No explanation. Just a little wrapped box with a little silver giraffe for someone I haven’t seen in a decade or so. And then I forgot about it.

When I saw the envelope on the table, I thought it was from my aunt, another woman to whom I sent a gift without note or explanation. (For someone who writes a lot, I’m terrible at communication; I don’t write much and don’t open my mail regularly.) I didn’t even check the return address.

“Thank you for thinking of me with the silver giraffe...” the letter opened.

“Did I accidentally send that to Aunt Peg?” I wondered and checked the envelope.

Eventually, the name, the address sank in.

I don’t know what I expected. I didn’t really think I’d get a response. I definitely didn’t expect one that would make me cry, but it did. I’d write more about it but she included her email address and I’d rather write her. I've missed her over the years and we have a lot to catch up on.


Tag: Friends

Friday, January 11, 2008

Rescheduling

"This cold is not just in my head," I thought. Or rather, "This cold is totally in my head, but I didn't make it up."

I called to reschedule the appointment because I hadn't checked my calendar befor booking a ticket West. At some point, my muddled mind realized that I couldn't be in both the California and Georgetown at the same time.

I needed to see a doctor, to ease my mind, confirm that the undiagnosed lumps in my breast weren't more than innocuous undiagnosed lumps in my breast and stop talking about my breasts for a while other than the occasional "don't they look great in this top" fish for compliments, but I needed to go to California.

Need being a relative term, I wanted to see my friends. I hadn't met their babies. I had a three-day weekend. I would head West and love every second of it.

"I need to reschedule my appointment," I croaked into the phone. "I realized that I'm going to be traveling that day."

"You're traveling with that cold?"

I hoped it would be better in the next week or so.

"Maybe I should see a doctor; it's been more than a week."

"Are you at home?"

"Ummm," after a couple of days on the couch, blowing through a box of tissues and watching everything in my DVR, including a couple of movies from the 30s and a truly terrible flick with Luke Wilson, Ben Affleck and Denise Richards, missed meetings, missed phone calls and teetering piles of work, I made it back to the office. I was sick of being sick. Sick of thinking about it and writing about it and talking about it. I decided that I would just be OK.

And then I rescheduled my appointment.

"You sound terrible," offered the receptionist.

"I feel terrible," I thought, followed quickly by, "And why am I at work?"

California. One week. Friends with babies. Doctor's appointments. All better uses of my time than tissues and TV but I longed for the couch.


Tag: Still sick

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Principal’s office

"I talked to the client. I’ll fill you in later; are you in tomorrow?"

The email popped up as I crashed in the big chair in the corner, watching back episodes of Earl and forgetting that I’d logged into my work email. I took the day off but kept an eye on traffic to make sure that I could pick things up in the morning.

I shouldn’t have read it. I should have turned off the notification. Nobody should have written after five, but there it was and my stomach flipped. I had requested the meeting ages ago and almost forgot, hoping that any problems would melt like so many marshmallows in a mug of hot cocoa. Instead, I would be starting the New Year with a conversation about communication.

My stomach fluttered the rest of the afternoon. The evening. I felt like I’d been called to the principal’s office.

Scooby Doo flashback to 1984. Cafeteria at Washington Elementary School. Young Kristin sets her Strawberry Shortcake lunchbox on the table, works the latch and starts talking to Casey Bates across the table.

“Kristin. My office. After school,” Mr. Knapp called from the end of the table and my heart lurched. Detention. And I would be late to tap lessons, so I would also get in trouble with the mom. I didn’t know what I had done. Honestly, I still don’t. A couple of decades ago, the principal tried to explain.

“Do you know why you’re here?”

Meekly, I shook my head.

“You started talking before you opened your lunchbox.”

Puzzled, I watched the mustache quiver on his upper lip and tried to make sense of the words. I didn’t know what I had done, but I did something wrong. I was in trouble. My stomach fluttered and flipped, danced and dipped for days to come, on the way home, when I saw Mr. Knapp, in the cafeteria.

He died two weeks ago, the principal, Mr. Knapp, on Christmas Day.

I don’t know what happened. A friend emailed my brother and he passed the information. It was a lot worse than the note from my manager to meet in the morning.

As hard as it is to deal with the unknown, with the “we need to talk tomorrow” or the next day or the one after that, the unexpected news of the loss of someone I used to know was so much harder. I would give just about anything to be called to the principal’s office one more time, to watch the mustache and try to figure out what I’d done wrong.

Of course, I still need to talk to my boss about communication.


Tag: Email

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Green Mile

The cold kept me in, relieving me of my choice in terrible movies.

“I’ve got crappy movie number one – starring Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah and, er, what’s her name from Dawson’s Creek,” I told a coworker. “Or crappy movie number two with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson.”

“I’ve got a soft spot for crappy movie number two,” she replied and I offered her the tickets. I couldn’t go. I could barely breathe and couldn’t quite stomach the thought of two hours in a theater plus metro rides with a box of tissues or clutching a roll of toilet paper and a pocketful of snotty paper.

If not for the cold, though, I would have seen one of the crappy movies. Free tickets tended to lower my standards and there was something to be said for the actors in each. Instead, I spent the night in a medicated haze, sniffling and watching The Green Mile. Sunday’s rerun of the Simpsons inspired the viewing as Homer faced the electric chair in a new Fox reality show – The Frame Up.

“Dead man walking the green mile with a shawshank slingblade.”

I realized that I hadn’t seen it, The Green Mile. And it was all over HBO, probably because of Tom Hanks and Charlie Wilson’s War, not to mention awards season, the writers’ strike and the pounding in my head that drove me away from everything that would happen in New Hampshire, whether or not I watched. The historic turnout. The battle between Clinton and Obama and questions of whether crying helped a female candidate.

All the while a song cycled through my swollen head, “I'm not sick but I'm not well.”

It had a little to do with me, a lot to do with the movie, with the fine line between right and wrong. Before I went back to the news from New Hampshire, I’d have to figure out where the candidates stood on capital punishment. A few blocks away, members of the Supreme Court considered their position on lethal injection and whether or not it constituted cruel and unusual punishment.

The electric chair, old Sparky, didn’t seem a better option, especially in light of the film, of John Coffey, so thoughtfully evoked by Michael Clarke Duncan. It didn’t seem a better option given the men I had met in Sing Sing or the books I had read, including Living Justice. DPIC reports that as of December 12, 2007, 126 people had been exonerated in 26 states.

My head hurt even more after the film as thoughts of life and death weighed down upon me. I should have gone with a roll of toilet paper and one of the crappy movies.


Tag: Movies

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Warmed over

I feel like death. Not even death warmed over unless, maybe, death sat on a counter a little too long, lending itself to puddles and congealing before being wrapped (poorly) in tinfoil and thrown in the freezer for months, graying and spotty with frost and then it was warmed over. Tossed in the microwave at full power to develop a sheen of grease; hard, overcooked spots; crispy, burnt edges and a bit of ice at the core.

If that's what it means, "death warmed over," then, yeah. I totally feel like death warmed over.

I'm taking a box of tissues to my meeting and then I'm going home. I'll bleach my keyboard in the morning – either tomorrow's morning or the day after that or the day after that, at some point when I should actually be in the office again.

I've made my brother sick.

I worry about making my officemate sick; she's got a small baby at home.

I worry about my workload and the pounding of my head and being late to this meeting but only as much as worry can sink through the dense fog shrouding my head.

Outside, temperatures should top 70 degrees. The sun is shining. I hear the noise of birds and construction between my sniffles; it is the soundtrack to a frantic search for Kleenex.

My noise is raw. Red. Runny.

Meeting and then home.

This is me on medication.


Tag: Sick

Sprung

“Spring has sprung!” a newscaster announced on the evening news.

“Spring has not sprung.” I stood in the kitchen, peeling and muttering, muttering and peeling. “It’s January. January! Global warming.”

With temperatures in the 60s and days inching slowly from short to less short, one could almost imagine buds bursting from trees and hedges, delicate green shoots poking from the dirt underfoot and cherry trees filling the city with sneezes and blizzards of blossoms, and that would be bad. Very, very bad. Because it’s January.

The weather, though, and walking home with my jack unbuttoned brought a spring to my step, regardless of the muttering.

The morning commute saw barelegged women who left their jackets at home and hurried past Christmas trees abandoned on the curb. Pine cones and ribbons, bedraggled and limp, forlornly adorned brittle, fading wreaths.

In a nod to an obstinate cold, I covered my legs in striped knee highs under a skirt, sweater and coat. I refrained from starting the illegal space heater next to my desk for the sake of my officemate, clutching a mug of hot tea on the balmy day. The lack of a heater only went so far in appeasing my officemate as I groaned under the weight of my head.

Sneeze, blow, antibacterial gel, work. Sneeze, blow, gel, tea, work. Tea. Sneeze.

I bleached my keyboard. Twice. And struggled to remember to dispose the myriad tissues that teetered at my elbow and found their way into my pockets and sleeves. I’m not sure why I stayed the whole day. It might have had something to do with the workload, but I’d probably attribute a healthy share to martyring myself. An unhealthy share.

The sun had set by the time I left but the warmth lingered. I unbuttoned my coat, returned my gloves to my pocket and skipped to the metro, lamenting that I hadn’t spent the day outside. That I didn’t feel better. That I hadn’t played hooky.

The ride home made me sick despite a cheerful seatmate and I deliberated between a trip to the grocery and tossing my cookies (or tea) in an alleyway. I made it to the store and walked home beside the Christmas trees that still lined the street.

“I’m sick,” I hummed. “I’m sick. I’m sick. I’m sick.”

I wondered where I might vomit, if the need and my soup should arise, and remembered the dry, sawdusty powder the school janitor would pour on the mess if one didn’t quit make it to the bathroom.

“What was that janitor’s name?” I thought and made it home without remembering the mustachioed man’s name or, more pertinent, losing my lunch. I even managed to make some dinner - a grownup take on comfort food with start wrapped in starch and topped with cheese, risotto with roasted root vegetables, walnuts and goat cheese, a distinctly autumnal dish on a springy winter’s day.


Tag: Sick

Monday, January 07, 2008

La Vie en Rose

"They must have turned on the heat," the boy to my right observed. "And it’s blowing directly on us."

I thought my cold had reached new heights, with a fever and chills, but apparently, it was the HVAC system.

I didn’t do myself any favors, though, staying out well past two, three, and walking home in the rain. I awoke with a gasping struggle for breath, curled around a box of tissues, and barely managed to find my way to the couch where I spent the next dozen hours or so.

We talked about a movie, but I’d seen a few of the new releases and my friend others. We entertained the idea of P.S. I Love You, which neither of us had seen.

"I’m just not sure I’m ready to be depressed," my friend said over the phone, and we decided on her Netflix selection, La Vie en Rose.

"I’m not sure that was any less depressing than P.S. I Love You," I said after a couple of hours of noshing and watching, of switching the subtitles from French to English, of winding our way through the tragic life and death of singer Edith Piaf.

According to Marlene Dietrich[in the words of Rotten Tomatoes], chanteuse Edith Piaf’s voice was "the soul of Paris." This French drama explores the often troubled life of the singer as her fame took her from the City of Lights to America to the South of France. Abandoned by her mother, Piaf grew up in her grandmother’s brothel and her father’s circus, which is hardly the fun one might imagine. While singing on the streets of Paris as a teen, Piaf (played as an adult by Marion Cotillard, A VERY LONG ENGAGEMENT) is discovered by club owner Louis Leplée (Gérard Depardieu), and this chance encounter changes the woman’s life. Her powerful voice takes her all over the globe, but it can’t guard her from the pain and suffering she can’t avoid.

I wrapped myself in a blanket and remained curled around my box of tissues, sniffling my way through the film and watching in wonder as Cotillard brought life to the enigmatic performer. Her life: It was just so hard to watch. So sad. I couldn’t imagine a current romantic drama that could make me feel any more mixed up about life and loss. It took King of the Hill, Desperate Housewives and Nacho Libre to bring back my sense that all was right with the world or that it really didn’t matter.

Maybe I should have left it with La Vie en Rose. Maybe all isn’t right with the world and maybe it does matter, but with my cold, I could barely breathe. I had lost a lot of fluids; I didn’t want to cry the rest away. Sometimes, I need the rose-colored glasses.


Tag: Movies

Sunday, January 06, 2008

Saying good bye

I never really thought much of him, the redhead on my couch. I was just so tired. So frustrated. So uncomfortable with my brother in the guest bedroom that wasn’t a guest bedroom for months and his friend from Texas, his friend from the Peace Corps, on my couch.

I was used to my life. I had just about figured out who I was and a little bit of what I wanted. What I did, anyway. My friends. My job. My life. And then my brother moved to DC.

“You’re such a pain in my ass,” he shouted into my ear as he left the bar last night, “but you’ve been such a great sister. I love you.”

“I know you do.”

My brother moved to DC two and a half years ago. In short order, several of his Peace Corps friends followed, many of whom spent time on my couch, in my guest bed, in my life.

In less than a month, my brother plans to leave, returning to South America for a life in Buenos Aires. Another of his friends leaves on Monday, this Monday, for training for a job in Lesotho. As in Africa. As in really, really far away.

The going-away party came together last minute.

"Jeremy comes back tomorrow and wants to go dinner."

"OK," I replied.

I helped a little, calling around for reservations for 12 people, last minute on Capitol Hill. And then 12 became 15 and the reservation moved from 8:30 'til 8 and my plans to watch football fell through and dinner would be the first (and last) time I left the house over the weekend.

Dinner and drinks. High heeled boots. I never thought I’d be one to last ‘til the end. Honestly, I never really thought I’d be one of the ones at his going away party. Years ago, when he slept on my couch, I just wanted to cry. Between now and then, he spent half a year in Afghanistan, gaining both a beard and a paunch. Eventually, he lost both, and I got to know the man underneath, his parents, the girl with whom he now lives. On Monday, he leaves.

As the night passed, we lost friends. A Peace Corps girl and her British boyfriend returned to Maryland. Another pair went home, turned away at the door for missing identification. We gained a couple and then lost half the crowd to a cab across the District. By the end of the night, sometime around two, just five of us remained.

One woman crossed the street for a cab back to Virginia. The rest of us walked.

“Well, we’re at a crossroads, my friend, and it