Changing shirts

I am not a good person.

I wasn't born with a heart of gold or angel's wings. I'm not a godsend. Before giving someone the shirt off my back, I stop to consider what I'm wearing underneath.

Of the seven deadly sins, of lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride, I generally suffer from one, two or five at any given point in time. I drink. Sometimes too much. I smoke a little. I gossip.

Out in the world, a fair number of people honestly dislike me – they have good reason – and even more dishonestly do – they don't know me at all. I'm not trying to save the world. I don't work for a nonprofit; I don't crusade or protest or lobby. Not much anyway. There is nothing inherently "good" about me.

But I try.

I try hard, and every day, I find some way to try harder. I read books to kids in a domestic violence shelter. I send books to prisoners. I volunteer at my church and with kids with disabilities and at work. A few days ago, I applied for an unpaid position to coach people in training for their first 5K. In my free time. On weekends. When I'm not logging scores of miles in preparation for my own walk in October – 60 miles for breast cancer awareness, education, research and treatment.

My friends shake their heads in exasperation. My family sighs in despair. More than one person has asked what hole in my life I'm trying to fill, and I struggle to find words to explain that I'm not trying to fill a hole. I'm not missing something. I have so much, an overabundance really, and I'm just trying to share.

A little over a year ago, not quite a year and a half, I went to India. I could barely process all that I saw and heard, smelled and tasted. It was a country of extremes and incredible poverty was just one aspect of it.

While there, we stopped in Ahmedabad for a break between bus and train on a very long travel day. We stored our gear in a frighteningly dirty hotel room with a bathroom that nobody dared touch. Then, we went out to see a bit of the town before dinner and our overnight train to Mumbai. We visited one of Mahatma Gandhi's ashrams.

In the middle of a loud, intense country between tuk-tuk ride and tuk-tuk ride with eyes clenched shut, knuckles whitening and drivers laughing, the ashram offered a bit of peace. We wandered through exhibits detailing the leader's life and his struggles, those of his wife and his followers. We walked through the house in which he lived. In the shop at the front, before we left, I leafed through a book of quotes and found my favorite, the one I wear on my chest as often as I can get away with wearing print T's and the same one over and over.

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." Mahatma Gandhi

(Though, my favorite print T just says "Be the Change.")

Months later, at home again (with the book safely stored on my shelves), I listened to the words of those who hoped to be president, to the candidates who fell by the wayside and those who made it to the election, to the man who became our president. One of the thoughts, one set of words, resonated with me.

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek." Barack Obama

Later, I would raise funds for this man, hosting a bake sale on Capitol Hill and doing my part to see where he might take us. I was inspired. I wasn't alone. After he was elected, I hoped and I prayed that the movement he evoked from his followers would transform into ongoing action. Into being the change.

I wasn't alone in my hopes and my prayers. In January, then president-elect Obama kicked off a nationwide volunteer program. I don't know how it's going but this isn't about him or politics or campaign promises. This is about me and the change that I'm trying to be. The change I want to see in the world.

I don't have to be a good person. I am not a good person. I wasn't born with a heart of gold or angel's wings. I'm not a godsend. Before giving someone the shirt off my back, I stop to consider what I'm wearing underneath, but sometimes, regardless of what I've got on, I give it anyway.

For ideas on how to get involved, visit USAService.org or Idealist.org or google "volunteer" and your community name. In the DC Area, you can get involved with Greater DC Cares or Books to Prisons or The Reading Connection. You can walk in a charity walk or sponsor someone else who is. Buy cookies from a Girl Scout. Babysit your sister's kids. Shovel your neighbor's walk. Smile. Be the change.

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world." Margaret Mead

The rest of the quote says, "Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has."

Tag: Volunteering