Could be happy

I am tired.

Today, I walked 8.7 miles, give or take a little.

Today, I bowled 10 frames with a semidecent score (for me). If someone had told me four years ago, four months ago or even four weeks ago that I would be slapping out high fives at a bowling alley, I would have shaken my head in derision.

"Me? Bowling?"

Dress me in polyester and call me Myrtle, but I've fallen into the league and the friendships I've formed. I almost regretted missing a week until I found that the lanes would be closed for spring break and two of my teammates and I would be in New Orleans during the break. I hoped to meet up with them or to try, to talk and think and plan. At the least, we would see each other in two weeks at the lanes. We'd talk and laugh and share our stories, whether or not we met up in NOLA.

Today, I walked a mile and a half with a girl I knew and liked, one I had not seen in months. I walked four and a half with a woman I knew and liked and had not seen in a week. I saw her again before the day ended and she offered me a bed, a room, a couple of drawers and space in the closet. She offered to make me keys to let me wait out the mold.

I ate meals in three different restaurants with three different drinks, a dozen friends and half a million different conversations. Brunch, lunch and dinner. Too much food. Not enough time. Founding Farmers. Lindy's. Argonaut. I barely left one before I found myself at another.

My phone came home. My newest jeans slid, buttoned and loose, over my hips. My legs pumped easily and the miles disappeared under my feet.

I have words and thoughts, hunger and exhaustion, and I'm giving into the latter and going to sleep on a day too short, one of 23 hours. My least favorite day of the year and one of the best.

On most levels, on all levels, I mourn the friend that passed and cannot help but think that people are like onions with experiences, opinions and truth building layer upon layer, the whole mess burning my eyes. Making me cry. Sadness and joy, pepper-infused vodka and vanilla-bean cream, good conversation, lists of the places I've seen and the the ones that I haven't, finding joy with an old bowling ball and a group of new friends.

Sometimes, I don't know if I'm coming or going. Most of the time, I don't know if I'm coming or going, but I could be happy.



Tag: Tired